Often the thoughts get out of our control, and we feel stressed and anxious because of the way we overthink things. When we are people-pleasing in nature, we overthink about the impact that we may be having on others. The innate need to be liked and validated by others at all times can further accelerate our thoughts and make us overthink to the point that we start believing in a reality that does not exist at all. "We overextend ourselves and please others in an effort to control what other people think about us, since we so desperately need to be viewed in a positive way in order to feel worthy. We prioritise what others think of us, whether or not they like us or accept us, over what we think and how we feel about ourselves. In short, we focus on others instead of ourselves. We try to guess what other people need and think leading us to overthink every comment, facial expression and/or tone other people express," wrote Therapist Klara Kernig.
However, overthinking can also make us feel disconnected from ourselves. We get into the flow of the thoughts of others and what they feel about us to the point that we push our needs, wants and emotions away from ourselves. Here are a few reasons why we overthink so much:
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We have been shamed: When we come from the trauma of being shamed, embarrassed and ridiculed for making mistakes – no matter how small or insignificant they are – we start to believe that we need to be extra sure of everything.
Scared of being seen in a negative light: We are extremely scared that we will have a negative impact on others, and they will start seeing us in a negative way – this thought can make us overthink and put in extra efforts to have a positive impact on others.
Blamed for things out of our control: When we come with the burden of past experiences where we have been blamed for things out of our control, we try to become perfectionists in order to ensure that on our watch, nothing should go wrong.
Mistrust ourselves: These traumas and experiences also rob us of the trust that we need to have in ourselves, further making us worry excessively and misjudging our abilities.
Attached to the outcome: We are overly attached to the outcome of our actions and hence we keep overthinking the worst-case scenarios.